MOOPHLES
by Otaku-rainbow
Summary: Sasuke needs to kill his brother, but people keep getting in his way... what will he do? Rated T for language and suggestive themes


My chappy 1, hope you enjoy:

disclaimer: I dont own Naruto so there, take your lawers and go away!!!!!!!

Ghost writer/Editor: (Winter's holly)  
Author&Typer: (OtakuRainbow)

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Chapter 1: the hunt begins…I think…

In the Village Hidden in the Leaves, everyone was having a good time enjoying the cool night that summer invited. All, but one person, this person was anal and emo. He had girls or more really freaks chasing after him twenty-four seven! Poor guy! But he really deserves it for being egotistical and being a bitch!

So the dude's name is Uchiha Sasuke. He is walking down the street, with hands in his pocket. He is only eleven years old, but damn! He is so constipated! So yeah, back to the story. He is walking down the street when a voice calling his name stopped him.

"Sasuke!" yelled an annoying voice.

He squinted his eyes since the person was kind of far away and you know, he still didn't get his eye defect yet. So he took out of his pocket, huge, thick ass glasses. (When I say that, they were bigger then his own eyes and he wore them. If thick I mean you looked straight at Sasuke, you could see that his eyes were fucking 10 times bigger then it usually is. So the inches, not cm, were 2in. Thick!

Back to the story: Sasuke squinted harder (from a different person's view, he would look like a blind, mother fucking nerd) as the person came closer and closer until he saw the forbidden color………………………………... ………………………………...Forbidden...Color...PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

His eyes widen (he looks like an owl right here! LMAO!) and quickly took off the spectacles and shoved them back in his pocket. While doing this, all he thought was, 'Must be cool…must be cool…SHIT! Quick look angry cool!' Sasuke pretended not to hear and turned back to his original direction until the person called him once more.

"Sasuke!"

Slowly, said person turns with an impassive expression upon his face. 'Okay, just like how I rehearsed last night.'

"What do you want?" he said coldly. 'I did it!'

Sakura blushed as she stared at the invisible dust on the ground. "I..I just… w… want to say." she stuttered, pathetically.

The boy groaned, growing impatient by the minute. "God Dammit! Spit it out, WOMAN!"

The pink haired girl gave a squeak at his tone, but "Spit it out," nonetheless. She drew in a deep breath and tried to calm her fast-beating heart. "I…I…I LOVE YOU!"

Sasuke, being unaffected, lifted a lazy brow. "So?"

The poor girl… tsk! Tsk! It was already bad enough that she was red with embarrassment and her heart fast with anxiety and tension, but to have her crush say that to her was over the line. Inside her head, mini Sakuras were running all over the place, trying to stop the boiler from exploding.

"Hurry! Hurry! We got to put out that fire!" Screamed the mini Sakura, which we'll call Ms1.

Ms2 came over with a fire hose, only to be pulled back because the hose was also mini that it didn't reach the boiler which was also mini, too, but was ten Ms's away.

"Dammit! The hose wont reach! It's too mini!" yelled Ms3.

"But if we don't do any thing, we'll have a mini shut down!" said Ms4

Suddenly, Ms1 came forward with a serious look etched upon he mini face. "Then the only thing we can do is turn off outer Sakura's mini brain."

The other minis gasped and murmured amongst each other.

"Stop it! This is the only thing we can do. So go Ms3, go and shut off the mini brain and activate the 'Mini Faint Switch'."

Ms3 nodded and ran 5ms's across outer Sakura's eyes which Sasuke saw and made him freak out a bit. (I mean, come on! I would, too, if I saw a midget walk through someone's eyes!) Ms3 stood behind the right eye, sweating. Slowly she moved to get to the out side world (Sasuke freaking out more, moved back slowly) and stuck out the tiny finger to press the faint switch, the pupil. She poked the black circle and ran back inside and huddle with the others as the eyelids began to close and the body started to lean back, while the sounds of the electronics turned off.

"What ever you do, don't move back or we'll fall faster," Ms1 warned. Unfortunately, Ms2 didn't hear that, so she moved back and made the body move faster.

"What the fuck, Ms2?! I told you not to move you dumb ass! The hell?!" Ms1 shouted with fury.

Ms2 looked confused as she answered. "Why are you yelling at me for?"

"I told you not to move!"

Ms2 frowned, "I was fucking hungry, Dammit! Every time this happens it's hard to find the fridge!"

The argument still continued after Sakura fainted, while Sasuke stared at the fallen body as if it was possessed.

Sasuke blinked a couple of times before speaking. "Um… oookie," He turned and walks away while muttering under his breath, the word 'pathetic'.

Sasuke inner child screams, 'We did it again! 20 points to us, 0 for weirdo!'

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5 years later…….

Wow! Talk about a change of pace! Well Sasuke is now sixteen years old, probably a chunin now, as he walks the fateful street once more.

"Oh Sasuke," said a random chick seductively.

He stops in mid-step and turns to the random chick and gives a sexy smirk, making her blush. (Just imagine Joey from 'Friends' saying this line except seeing Joey see Sasuke!)

"How you doin'?" he says (very weirdly) sexily, winking at the girl.

Unfortunately, for those who are like Sakura faints. So the random chick faints with a plop on the ground.

Sasuke stared accusingly to the sky, with hands raised and fingers groping the air. "GOD! The lowness I have to go through just to get some fucking peace and quiet!" When he was going to continue his little drama, Sakura runs up, panting.

Sasuke, who was still rambling, didn't notice her until she tapped his shoulder. "Um…Sasuke."

He swirled around with steam coming out of his nose and blood-shot eyes. "What the fuck now?!"

The kunoichi took a deep breath and hesitantly spoke. "Kisame was spotted earlier in the woods by the training grounds."

It took the Uchiha a moment to register the new information to his brain as Sakura waved a hand in his face. Sasuke blinked and grabbed the waving hand, making the girl blush.

"Thanks," he said curtly, as he turned into the direction of the forest. But sadly, just before he could run AHEM walk away, Sakura spoke. Sasuke flinched as a sweat dropped down his temple. 'Dammit, I shouldn't have grabbed her hand.!'

'Yeah, stupid! What the FUCK?!' screamed inner child of Sasuke.

Sasuke growled and mentally beat his inner child as Sakura blinks curiously. The sixteen year old Uchiha stiffly turns his neck halfway.

"What is it?" he asked through gritted teeth.

The Kunoichi gave a saddened expression. "Don't go," she whispered as she tightened her hold on his arm. "I love you."

His left eye twitched in irritation. "Don't cry." In the inner depths of his mind, inner Sasuke child is on his knees, praying to god, 'Please…please God! Let THAT woman,' --- he pointed through Sasuke's eyeball to Sakura--- 'pass out from the Uchiha Cuteness!'

"It's only Kisame not Itachi," Sasuke said, with a tiny hint of care just to get the girl off him.

Sakura gazed down uncertainly. "But, I'm still worried."

'OH MY GOD!' screamed Sasuke's inner child as he rips out is hair, leaving bald spots.

Sasuke moved back, slowly trying to pry, the kunoichi off. "H… How can I come to your open arms if I don't get into danger?"

Just pleasssssssssssseee let me gooo!'

Sakura snapped her head up at the statement. "Why not just come into them now," she suggested, holding the other arm out.

Inner child is sitting in his corner of Woe, rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb. 'It's not working. It's not working.'

The outer Sasuke mentally glared at his inner child. 'Shut Up!' He returned to the situation at hand. 'Dammit! Um…Think, think, THINK! Oh! I know!'

He quickly looks into Sakura's emerald eyes intensely, making a light flush appear on her cheeks. "I must kill the bad man so my love will be safe. And I will sleep well at night knowing that."

The Uchiha inwardly growled a thought. 'This better fucking work or I don't know what level of fuzziness I'll have to stoop to.' He and inner child shuttered at the horrifying thought.

"Oh! We can stay up all night!" she said flirtatiously as she gave him a wink.

Onyx eyes widened at the statement. "Um…I'll be going now." With that, he quickly dashed away into the forest.

The kunoichi blinked at the fleeing shin obi and stretched out an arm. "Don't…don't…don't…DAMMIT," she muttered as she picks up a script. "Oh right! Don't forget me!"

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5 MINUTES LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Wow! Nice dissolve," Sakura whistled.

Sasuke snaps around. "What the fuck?! Your not supposed to be here!" he yelled at the girl.

Sakura looked confused for a moment. "I'm not?"

His right eye twitched as the vein popped from his temple. "Noo!" he growled. "Now get out of the scene!"

"Oh right! Bye!" She ran out and stood by the directors, waving a hand wildly at him. "Good Luck!" Sasuke groaned and slapped a hand in his forehead. 'BAKA!" He looked up, trying to figure out what he was doing.

"What the hell was I doing before I was so rudely interrupted?" he eyed the girl murderously. A light bulb clicked above his head as he frowned at it. "The hell?!" He swatted the light bulb away. "Now, where was I? Oh yeah!" He scrunched down sneakily like a cat. "Come out, come out where ever you are."

Suddenly a blue blob stumbles out from a tiny bush. "Ow! Ow! Stop hitting me, you stupid marsupials!"

A sweat drop appeared behind the boy's head. "Do you mean squirrel?"

Not paying attention to who's talking to him. The blue blob answered, "Yeah those things." He stopped and looked around and noticed Sasuke. "Oh! So…um did you bring him like I told you to?"

Sasuke frowned. "Wait, bring who?"

"Bring Kakashi, you idiot!" Kisame screamed.

"Oh! No, I didn't bring him," he said stoically.

Kisame clicked his tongue and sighed shaking his head. "Damn it, I must kill you now," he stated smugly, smiling.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Um… Duh, you stupid fish! That's why I came here! Geez, retard!"

"I'm not a retard!" He was about to do something else when he forgot and picked up his script. "oh, yeah!" he shouted as he dives at Sasuke with his giant spiky-ass sword that is somehow mummified.

The young shin obi's eyes pop out as the fish dude runs after him. "Oh, FUCK! AHHHH!" he squealed, running away like a girl.

"Get back here!" shouted Kisame as he dragged the huge sword bouncing across the ground. "Dammit! Next time, smaller sword!"

Out of nowhere, Itachi showed up with an amused expression. "Dear brother, you showed up!"

Kisame appeared next to Itachi suddenly, scratching the back of his head. "Heh! Sorry, the brat's gone."

"What!" The older Uchiha quickly faced his henchman. "How?!"

"Well, um… he was a baby and ran away when he saw my kick ass sword," he chuckled sheepishly.

Itachi glares murderously at the blue fish man. "You FUCKER!"

The said 'fucker' gave a stupid grin. "Yes I am!"

The Uchiha gave an irritate d groan at his 'companion' beside him. "Augh, just shut up!" he snapped. "Bring him back at once!"

Kisame trudged back to the village grumpily. Mumbling something under his breath about 'stinking weasels'.

"What was that?!"

The other Akatsuki member flinched and quickly turned around with the corner of his twitching. "Um… I get to see Kakashi?" he said in an uncertain sing-song voice.

Eyes widening, Itachi said through gritted teeth, "Just go!"

"Yes sir!" With that, he saluted the younger man and took his leave.

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10 minutes later at the village gates

Sasuke was outside pacing nervously, muttering to himself. "If I go in, Sakura'll glomp me and never let me go." He stopped and stared out into the woods. "If I stay, I'll get killed by my maniacal, egocentric brother and his retarded shard sidekick." The Uciha began pacing again in deep thought.

'Hmmm…, which one is better?' He thought, 'Slow and painful death or slow and painful sex?'

He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Oh well! I'll just run away!" Sasuke gazed around when he noticed something blue in the background. Ther was Kisame humming happily, strolling towards the gate.

"Oi! Kisame!" the guy screamed. "I'll give you Kakashi if you let me go!"

The shark dude instantly shone so brightly in excitement that it nearly blinded the young Uchiha!

"My eyes! STOP IT!" he cried in agony.

Kisame blinked and saw the boy rolling on the ground, clutching his eyes. "Oh, sorry!"

Sasuke stood up panting, staring at Kisame with blood shoot, bleeding eyes. "I thought I was going to be blind forever! You moron!"

The blue freak cringed n fear. "Sorry!" he squealed.

"So, as I said before, let me go and I'll give you the old man."

"Really?!"

Sasuke nodded. "Yeah. Just give me 10 minutes and meet me at my house. Got it?"

"Yes sir!" he said obediently. "He he he! Kakashi!" Kisame giggled.

Later, as Sasuke walks around the village, he searches for the unpredictable blonde. "Now where is the dead last?" he mumbled.

Just as he said that, Naruto comes walking out of Ichiraku Ramen Shop, looking dazed from eating so much.

"Hey ! Speak of the devil!" Sasuke said actually surprised that for once, things went his way. "Oi, Naruto!"

"Naniii?" he dragged out.

Sasuke ran up to the grouchy boy and offered, "If you enter a contest, I'll give you a special prize. So how 'bout it?"

Naruto instantly lit up at the word 'prize.' "Really?! What is it?!"

"Well, you se, there's this guy who thinks no one can imitate Kakashi perfectly. So I told him that you could. And if you can actually make him believe that you're Kakashi, then I'll treat you to ramen for every night of the next month."

Naruto practically drooled as he listened to Sasuke's propositions. "Sweet…!" he praised and looks determinedly at Sasuke "Alright, I'll do it!"

"Then , transform. The faster we get this done, the better," Sasuke said.

"Henge!" shouted the loud blonde as he took on a Kakashi image.

A couple of minutes later, the two teens arrive at the house. While they waited, Sasuke whispers to Naruto, "Now, remember-- you have to stay as Kakashi the entire time or you'll lose the bet. Do not, I repeat, do not change back for anything or I'll kick your ass myself. Oh, he's going to test you, too, so be prepared."

Naruto nodded and rolled his eyes impatiently. "Yes, yes, yes! I know."

Kisame slowly enters the empty house and calls out, "Sasuke…Kakashi…where are you?"

Then just as he turns a corner, 'Kakashi' (aka Naruto) walks out.

"Lovely!" the fish man cried as he ran towards. The poor boy who froze in shock. Kisame tackles Naruto to the floor and hugged him tightly.

"Um…Excuse me!" he started, but the guy didn't pay attention.

"Oh, how I missed you so, my love!" Kisame announced as he gave 'Kakashi' a kiss on the cheek, surprising him more.

'What the fuck is going on?!' Naruto thought furiously. 'Is he with Kakashi-sensei?! Ugh! That's gross, but this is grosser! I'm getting raped by a fucking fish!'

Kisame took off Naruto -disguised-as-Kakashi's mask and shirt and kissed the poor unfortunate boy on the lips.

On the other hand, Naruto was currently, pissed.

'What's up with the guys kissing me?! WHY CAN'T I HAVE A WOMAN?!!'

Kakashi, who happened to be conveniently walking by the Uchiha district, heard some loud strange noises.

So deciding to see what it was, Kakashi unsuspectingly went through he gates. (Yes that is not trespassing on private property at all. Why would he do that? Oh well!) So he follows the sounds which led him to a large mansion. Tentatively entering the home, he goes exploring for a bit. Walking down the hall, he noticed a family picture of four. Squinting, Kakashi recognized one of them. 'Sasuke…,' he thought, gazing at his surroundings. 'So this is where his family was massacred.'

Meanwhile with Naruto and Kisame…

The fish guy knocked Naruto over onto the couch as his hands roams throughout his body.

Naruto was just plain suffering. 'Can't … hold… on…much longer! Slimy, eww!'

Hearing some noises in the next room, Kakashi went in. "Sasuke, are you alright?" he said, but then stopped, seeing another person as himself and Kisame. Stunned and traumatized, he walks back slowly, very slowly…

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LATER ALLL!!!!!!!!! PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!


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